This being a grown up is not much fun I have to say. Well it isn’t tonight anyway. I’ve fallen into the extremely Pestimistic box of life – why? Cause everytime I let myself look foward to something or be optimistic about something, it ends in disaster. I get tested everytime and it has been like this for ages:
examples
Getting the degree – sure i’d got a 3rd managed to get a 2:1
Crashing the car – losing my confidence in one of my most favourite things to do
Finally finding a guy – he moves!
Graduating – takes flippin’ ages to find a job
I could go on and on and on if I really want to but I shouldn’t. Yes all these things have kinda had happy endings but the act of going through them has made me lose my optimistic views on life.
To counter this I am trying not to get upset by things I cannot change but this is not easy. I am also trying to find something (as someone doesn’t work) to fill the gap left by all the time I spent studying before. I mean, I have all this free time and nothing to do with it.
I also hate the fact that all the good things in life are hard work – I mean something must be easy at some point!
Enough rubbish for today
— Congratulations to Jenni for defeating me at scrabble!! —
Above in red is where I walked today – click on it to see the full route! Someone very kindly gave me the suggestion of going for a walk and/or exercising when I was moaning on the phone to that person this morning so that’s what I did. It was great fun and I feel fantastic for it – I think it something I’m going to do regularly – maybe not as far as today though. Last weekend I also went for a big walk around St Andrews beach.
Today I discovered IGoogle and although I’m not signing up to Google mail as of yet I did get a google calendar. I see that Google services are emerging as the Internet equivalent of Tesco and Starbucks and although I’m normally one of the first to jump on such bandwagons, I have deicided not to bother this time….
Anyway, the point of this post was not to comment on Google but to reveal how scarily close to my weekend today’s horoscope was:
You may still be chasing rainbows, only to find another one always over the next hill. You have grown weary of the disappointments and frustrations and are reaching another critical point. You want to make something happen now. This time you might be willing, even eager, to go where you’ve never gone. This is serious; change is in the air, but it won’t happen unless you once again initiate the action.
Well I had hoped to be able to put on some more photos this weekend but sadly that does not appear to be happening – oh well I’m sure I’ll find some fun stuff to take photos of in and around Glasgow.
The previous post is the last time I ever be so personal via the blog – turning funny shades of red as a result.
Not very much exciting has been happening in the life of moi of late – things have certainly be happening but I don’t really think they are worth mentioning.
All I’m going to say:
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an ‘men Gangaft agley,
An’lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!
When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse.
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
“Just what your worth”
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I..
Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
I am terrible for taking other people’s photos to use in my blog because I’m just too lazy to put my own on myself – not today!!
Over the weekend I ventured east to the town of St Andrews, a place I expect to be visiting a lot. Although I didn’t do as many tourist related things as I had hoped, I did manage to go for a good wander around the town by myself and take some photos:
I just found the above one funny.
Ok they aren’t really that exciting and maybe I went a bit over the top with the black and white but they capture how I felt at the time and that is good enough for me.
Maybe that is a bit extreme but what I mean is that I hate aspects of the unknown. I don’t know what i’m going to be doing a year from now, and I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now etc but that doesn’t scare me. What currently scares me is the future unknown, which is really stupid when you think about it cause not really much is changing for me, it is all happening to people close to me. And I refuse to be selfish about it. Yes I will cry and yes I am crying but I’m hoping I’ll be OK.
I just wish someone or something could come and tell me everything is going to be OK.
Last night after one of the craziest days of my life I sat down with a friend and flatmate and played Scrabble:
Now, I played my first ever game of scrabble almost a year ago as one of the flatmates has played it all her life and thought I might enjoy it. To begin with I was rubbish, not really understanding the tricks of using triple word scores and trying to make two words in one go etc, however after much practice with the flat mates I gradually got better. Things were always made interesting with the use of the “Official Scrabble Dictionary” which I used to use just to find random words that I didnt have a clue of the meaning. This annoyed some people so I decided to try playing using it minimally…
Anyway, pulling an ‘A’ out of the bag at the start meant that I got to go first…in my first go I managed to get rid of all my letters with the fantastic word of ‘Wester(blank)’, an instant 78 points. Amazingly, one other female player managed to do the same later in the game with ‘tomatoes’!!! It was brilliant.!! It was the first time I’d ever done that.
Today at work the Internet (as in full unrestricted access) was removed from absoultely EVERYONE with the silly reason that the demand was too big for the server – hmm. Causing uproar and general disheartedness among everyone within my office and across the other departments. This got me to thinking about Internet at work – surely it is a perk of a job! I mean I know that some people abuse it but should it not be those few that lose the full access rather than punish the whole group – especially in a company that doesn’t reward those hard working souls that well?
On another note – I’m doing something that I haven’t done in months and it’s scarily exciting! And in doing so, i’m finally gaining a bit more self respect.
